This is my second post about the subject of being involved with a widow. The first post was entitled “Why Some People Prefer Not to Get Involved With Widows and Widowers.” It went online in December of 2013, was rather lengthy, a bit overkill, and perhaps a bit offensive to those who may have lost a spouse. So, I decided trash that entry and write another post concerning this subject, one that is more to the point and not so combative sounding. Here goes…
I have some personal experience when it comes to being involved with a widow, as I was actually in a relationship with one. I have also known people who lost a spouse and then got involved with a new person after some time had passed and people who got involved “romantically” with a widow or widower. Sometimes the relationships worked out fine; other times they did not. So it’s not like I totally don’t have a clue as to what I’m talking about. I say all this as a qualifier because it is inevitable that when a widow or widower finds this post on Google and reads it, he or she is going to say something like, “Who does this guy think he is talking like this. He’s never lost a wife.”
When a man is involved with a widow, he is involved with a woman who was forced to separate from her husband against her will. This is totally different from a divorce where the two parties agreed to go their separate ways. This means that her deceased husband will always be her true husband and that she will always love him and will always miss him. Missing him means that she will always wish that her deceased husband was still alive so that she can be with him again.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with any of this. Whatever a widow feels about her deceased husband is her business and her business alone. No one has any right criticizing her over what she thinks and feels about her loss.
The above description of a widow’s state of mind being the case, if a man does get involved with a widow, he is not the man she really wants to be with. He is the fella she settled for because she is unable to be with the man she truly loves. He is the second-place consolation prize. If there was some way she could have him back, she would. I mean if God Almighty appeared out of heaven, snapped His fingers, and there was her deceased husband, the new guy would be the one getting the “Dear John” speech, not the resurrected husband. I realize this may be an over-the-top, far-fetched scenario; but it is, nevertheless, absolutely true. Missing him means she desperately wants him back, and that’s not going to change just because a new romantic interest came along.
If you’ve found a woman who has lost a husband, like being with her, want to marry her, don’t mind being the guy she settled for, don’t mind her crying over some other man, and don’t mind your wife calling another man’s family her “in-laws”, hey that’s great. To each his own as they say. Go for it.
Personally, I would rather live by myself and die alone than be with a woman who wishes that a man she used to be with was still around so she could be with him; and that is exactly what you get when you are involved with a woman who has lost her husband. The constant disrespect of knowing the woman I’m with wishes she was with someone else would be a situation I simply would not be willing to tolerate.
Anyway, that’s why I don’t recommend getting involved with a widow to any man.
I'm just a regular guy who likes to write about that which I find interesting. I am keeping my identity undisclosed because I am a small business owner and am well known in the community I serve.
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